


this is the place (where i don't feel lost)

by commonemergency



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Family Dynamics, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:52:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: He loved it here. He loved being with Phil and his family. He loved not being on the internet or thinking about what people are saying online, he loved the walks and the talks and the freeness that being here brought.Or Dan spends Christmas and New Years Eve with the Lesters.





	this is the place (where i don't feel lost)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ablissa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ablissa/gifts).



The morning starts out warm, the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the air. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to wake Phil up from his slumber and Dan knows that. He tucks him in, pulling on a strand of hair as he gets up from bed. He grabs the festive pyjama bottoms that Kathryn found—it was a whole ordeal trying to coordinate and get everyone’s sizes. It ended up being her sending the link to the store over a group chat and everyone buying their own and praying they all delivered on time.

(They did, thankfully.) 

Dan grabs his cat nighty and his phone off the charger and walks out of the room, following the strong smell of coffee. 

“There’s a new batch brewed,” Kathryn says over her shoulder, she’s fixing up some eggs it looks like, the rest of the breakfast ready on plates. 

“Bless.” He says with a satisfied sigh, reaching up in the cupboard for a mug and grabbing the coffee pot and pouring half a cup of coffee. There’s almond milk in the fridge for Phil (and Dan by association). It’s vanilla almond milk via Phil’s request. He still isn’t a fan of the taste but swears the vanilla makes it better. 

There’s another sound of a door being opened somewhere in the house, he looks over to see if maybe his other half has finally woken up but it’s Cornelia with curls matching his. 

“Morning everyone,” she says with a yawn, poking Dan’s side and hugging Kath from behind. She reaches up on her tiptoes for a mug. Dan has to laugh at her attempts to getting the closest one. 

Dan leans against the opposite counter taking generous sips of his coffee. He doesn’t know when he started waking up early, his body was still in the process of Not Being On Tour and for a while it was appreciated, he felt like he got a lot of stuff done but lately he misses being able to sleep in with Phil. It’s always a treasured time but his mind refuses to just let him lay in bed and do nothing. He has to be active in some sort of way. 

“We have a busy day of making pies and deciding on what kind of cookies we’re making,” Kath says turning around now with her own coffee cup in between her hands. 

“Dan I think I’ll have you peeling the apples with Cornelia. God knows Phil will end up hurting himself with the peeler. I’ll have him and Martyn on the crust or even the cookie dough. Not sure yet,” Kath is doing that thing she’s been doing the past couple of days- rattling off her ideas out loud as to have witnesses so she wouldn’t forget. 

Dan has never seen her like this. Then again he hasn’t ever really been here during the prep. It was much different to his family. They made something every year but it was never to such a big extent—his family wasn’t as big in comparison and the amount of responsibilities always seemed to rely more on his nana than his mum. 

It had been hard for Dan to adjust to this. Since they got here it was prepping and cleaning, decorating and decorating some more. Every now and then the four of them would go take a walk just to be able to get out of the Christmas exploded house to breathe. Dan needed it. Phil knew that Dan needed it. It wasn’t that it was too much it was just he didn’t have time to process anything in his head with everyone around. It wasn’t the kind of vulnerability that he was ready for yet. 

“Sounds good.” Dan nods with another sip of his coffee. “I once asked Phil to skin potatoes in one of our attempts to make curry and he was useless.” Dan says with a small laugh. 

“That man.” His mother says shaking her head, but she’s laughing. “Well. Let’s set up for breakfast, yeah?” 

Dan places his cup of coffee in his designated spot—because everything seems to have a place here and this seat was his, right next to Phil, in the middle, with Cornelia on his other side. Dan is still figuring out if he really belongs here, but he saves the thought for later. 

Dan helps set the table, putting plates down, grabbing glasses, and then Cornelia brings the orange juice that was given to them by a neighbour down the street who makes it herself as well as the eggs from a different neighbour on the other side of the street. There’s a small community here that feels warm. 

When the setting up is done Dan goes to the guest bedroom and opens the door and Phil is still sleeping, having cuddled up to a pillow. Dan stands there for a second to watch him before he squats in front of him, fingers reaching out to grab strands of hair. He plays with it, gliding it across his forehead to try and get him to wake up. 

“Stop.” Phil says, his voice is groggy and he refuses to open his eyes. “It tickles.” 

Dan snorts, letting go of his hair before poking Phil’s stomach. Phil lets out a yelp and tries to smack Dan’s hand away but Dan has an advantage. He gets up and ends up on top of Phil pinning him down. It’s a kind of affection that they don’t do often, but maybe it’s just how being here make him feel; a little bit freer, a little bit off guard. 

“Come on. It’s time for breakfast.” Dan yanks the covers off before walking out. 

Phil beelines to the coffee before he even greets his mum. Dan rolls his eyes from his seat with another snort. 

“Morning.” Phil says, plopping down in his spot. 

“Good morning. I was just telling Dan and Cornelia about our pie and cookie making plans.” 

Phil nods. “Right. This is the long day.” 

Martyn comes soon after skipping the coffee completely. 

“You absolute mad lad.” Phil says horrified when he pours himself a glass of orange juice instead. 

*

Somewhere in the house All I Want For Christmas Is You is playing, Dan’s pretty sure that this song is on loop or it’s every other song by the amount of times he’s heard it. When they were decorating their tree Phil had grabbed Dan’s phone and made a playlist of just this song. 

_“You just have to respect tradition,”_ Phil had said while wrapping tinsel around Dan’s neck. 

It was nice to see how many traditions Phil shared with Dan. It was also nice knowing that they made some of their own—like somehow it was a part of Phil that no one else got to have but Dan. 

Kath places a big silver mixing bowl in front of him that’s filled with water. She sits next to him and he notices the lemon squeezer. 

“Alright Dan, squeeze these lemons and put the juice in the bowl for me.” 

Dan nods, getting up from his seat and grabbing one of the lemons that’s been cut for him. He pulls the handle down and watches as the lemon juice falls into the bowl. _It’s kind of satisfying_ , he thinks. 

Martyn and Phil are arguing over how to do the crust. Nigel is off running last minute errands in town and Cornelia has just finished getting changed and already looking better than everyone. He smiles at her when she sits down grabbing one single apple from the massive two bags of apples that they have to peel. 

She takes a deep breath. 

“Alright, what colour do you want?” She says with a sweet smile, she’s holding out the different kind of peelers that they got. One of them is smaller and just silver, the other is wider and there’s pink and black. 

Dan watches her as he grabs the pink peeler from her hands. 

“Hm. Interesting.” She says with a slight chuckle. 

“I like to mix it up.” Dan shrugs. 

She waits until Dan is done squeezing all the lemons into the bowl so they can start. 

Dan settles in once he’s finished cleaning up the remaining juice left on the table. He grabs his first apple and starts to peel. 

They work in silence, listening to Mariah Carey and Martyn and Phil fighting in the kitchen before Cornelia asks the big question. 

“How do you like being here for Christmas?” 

Dan smiles, but the smile inevitably fades. He’s quiet, reflecting on the question because he’s unsure how to answer. 

He peels more apples, and once he peels he cuts them into slices, it’s tedious work but it’s nice to keep his brain occupied. He sighs a little. It’s small, barely audible but Cornelia catches on, nodding.

“Hard but also not really?” She suggests. 

“Hard and filled with anxiety.” He says, before adding, “But it’s easy. I think that’s why it makes me anxious.” He laughs because it probably doesn’t make sense. A lot of things in Dan’s head doesn’t make sense to a lot of people. 

“Well, just focus on the pie. Give it all of your love and maybe you’ll forget about everything in your head.” She says with a small smile. “Be present.” 

Dan had a hard time being present, it was hard for him to think about the now when there were people watching your every move. He had gotten a healthier relationship with it, learned to try and focus on small things (right now it’s the apples), but sometimes the tiny little anxiety ball would come rattling about inside of him, and it’d ping pong for a while destroying everything it could reach. 

Cornelia was right though. This was an important time for him- for Phil. He just thinks that there may be a little bit of guilt that’s slowly leaking out of him that he’s been trying to contain for a while. 

All I Want For Christmas Is You gets changed halfway into the bag of apples because of how much they’ve heard it, it’s not even a song anymore Kath yells from the kitchen. They play one of the many radio stations that’s strictly playing Christmas music and Dan feels a little bit of nostalgia when it was Christmas Eve and he’d be baking cookies with his grandma. He didn’t really help a whole bunch, she’d just give him small jobs Dan could do to feel part of it, but there would always be the radio playing with endless amounts of hot chocolate waiting on the stove. 

Over the years Christmas was still special but it changed with age like most things do. 

Phil sits next to Dan grabbing one of the leftover peelers since they’ve finished with the crust. 

Martyn is challenging Phil to one of their old games they play, apparently whoever can get the longest peel off the apple wins. Phil has a strategy he swears, but Martyn says it’s all about luck. 

Apparently, it’s funny enough to post to instagram because Phil gets his phone out and angles it in such a way that it’s just Martyn in the video. The anxiety that Dan tried so hard to fight off comes back. 

Dan has been silent for three days. 

He goes back to peeling. 

*

Dan’s fingers are pruned by the time that they finished peeling and cutting the apples. Kath says that she’d take over from there, she has a very particular way of making the filling but she’s thankful for their help. 

Dan washes his hands and grabs his puffy jacket from the bedroom. 

“Walk?” Phil says with a small smile. 

Dan nods. 

“Okay, let me get my jacket.” Phil does something that he doesn’t normally do, at least in public, he gives him a kiss on the cheek. 

Dan’s cheeks heat up and for a moment it overpowers the anxiety building up in his chest and replaces it with ease. 

Nigel comes walking through the door when they’re heading out. He asks them how pie making went and then tells them to have a good walk and that he’ll see them later. 

*

There are some days when the nostalgia feels overpowering. It’s bittersweet in a way, like today, when it’s Christmas Eve and all Dan can think about is what his family is doing. When Phil proposed the idea of Christmas in Isle of Man Dan didn’t know what to think. He wouldn’t lie and say that it didn’t send him into a panic because it did. That feeling had been replaced with—well why not? 

This year had been about leaps, big leaps into a scary unknown and so far the freefall had been worth it. 

So, he agreed. 

“What’s going on?” Phil asks, they’ve been walking in silence. 

“What?” Dan asks. 

Phil kind of smiles, reaching out to tug on a strand of Dan’s hair. “What’s going on up there?” 

There’s a big incline on this hill, Dan finds that incredibly fitting. 

“I’m thinking about the last time I helped set the Christmas tree up with my parents. It used to be a tradition that we’d do it together. I remember thinking of how much I hated doing it. We’d get in fights about it what goes where. My mum would take over because it had to be a particular way. Adrian would jab me with the hooks and we’d start an actual fight. It was just fucking chaotic but we still did it.” 

Dan stops talking, his breathing is a little rough but it’s not as bad as it used to be. They’ve been going on this walk almost daily. He’s gotten used to it now. 

“And then one day I got home from whatever- the tree was set up with all of the baubles and lights.” 

Phil nods, giving him his full attention like he always does but it overwhelms Dan. 

“I wouldn't dare set up the tree without you.” Phil says with a gentle smile, he reaches out and takes Dan’s hands. 

“Eventually I moved out and Adrian did too.” Dan throws his head back a little, running his free hand in his hair before shaking his head. “I don’t know why I’m even talking about this.” 

Phil squeezes Dan’s hands. “Because it’s the holidays and you’re not spending it with your family.” 

“You’re my family.” Dan interjects. 

Phil smiles, “I know. What I mean is, it’s okay. To think about them or miss them.”

Dan bites his bottom lip. “I guess I just don’t want you to think that I’m not happy to be here, because I am. It’s kind of just everything else too. You’ve been posting stories and I want to but….” 

Phil gets it. Dan knows that Phil gets it. 

“I know. We’re navigating through it though.” 

Phil reaches out and pulls Dan in for a hug. It feels odd, Dan hates that he panics, but it’s like it soothes out all of Dan’s rough edges. He didn’t realise how touch deprived he was until now. He wraps his arms around Phil and they stay there like that, surrounded by beautiful views. He doesn’t want to leave this space. This tiny space where it’s just them. 

“Okay?” Phil says. 

Dan nods. “Okay.” 

Phil grabs his phone to take a picture. Dan waits for him to finish taking the photo before he grabs his phone out to take a picture of them. It’s just for him, he wants to memorialise this moment.

“I’m going to call my mum later.” Dan says when they’re walking down the hill. 

“Good.” Phil reaches for Dan’s hand again and doesn’t let go.

*

Kath makes a roast, he takes a picture of it and thinks about sending it to his mum to let her know that he thought about the last time they tried to make a roast and how horrible it ended up being because they didn’t make it correctly and how they ordered a pizza instead. He had forgotten about the memory until now and it brings a small smile to his face. 

It was nice remembering things like that—while there was a time when Dan tried to run away from his family he knew that it was just because he was hurting and he felt like he was wasting everyone’s time. The older he got the more he understood how complex families could be. 

Dan helps do the dishes with Cornelia. He doesn’t know how they end up in these positions but he thinks its because they want to be model in-laws. When he shares that with Cornelia it makes her snort because he’s not wrong. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” She says when they finish the last dish. 

Dan could cry. 

“Me too.” 

Hot Toddy’s get made and there’s a few aunts, uncles and cousins over for dessert. Kath praises Dan and Cornelia for their apple cutting skills and it makes Dan feel warm. There’s music playing and laughter bouncing off the walls. Dan and Phil sit on the couch and watch everything from their little spot. Phil wraps an arm around Dan and he doesn’t tense up, he thanks the alcohol for how loose he feels but he knows that this is a safe place. 

“I’m going to do something.” Phil says. 

He gets up from his seat and walks over to the fireplace where all of their stockings are hanging up. Dan smiles at the additional stockings that are for Cornelia and for him. 

Phil gets his phone out of his pocket and starts to take a video. Dan can hear Phil saying how his mum went all out with the decorating and comments on his stocking that he’s had since he was a child. He makes it a point to include every stocking.

Phil walks back and slots himself next to Dan again and lets Dan watch it. 

“What do you think?” He asks.

Dan looks up at him and he takes a small breath. 

“I can delete it—” He starts to say before Dan shakes his head.

“Post it.”

So he does.

*

They both agree to not look on their phones. It’s easy to do because they get sucked in on playing a board game. There’s a lot of yelling and a lot of laughter. Somehow everything fits together. Dan had a hard time trying to fit in anywhere. He often felt like he took up too much space in the world but somehow, right here, right now, it feels like he was meant to be here.

Dan turns to look at Phil and there’s a certain glint in his eye when he stares back at Dan. It’s been a long time since Phil reminded him of their early days. When everything was new and unfamiliar and scary, it’s not like that anymore, they’ve grown together, Phil standing by Dan through all of it, the ups and the downs and the unsure in betweens. 

Dan places a hand on top of Phil’s and he gives his hand a gentle squeeze. He stands up already losing at the game and says that he’ll be back. He needs to make a phone call. 

He gets his jacket and shoes on and walks outside into the cold and taps on his mums contact. It rings, and it rings, and it rings. Dan thinks she won’t answer until she does. 

“Hello?” 

Dan feels nervous and he doesn’t know why. 

“Hi mum,” His voice is quiet. He can hear his nanas laugh in the background. 

“Oh, hello Daniel.” 

Dan bites down on his bottom lip thinking of what to say. He can hear movement. 

“Let me just find a quiet place.” She says and he’s grateful. 

“I’m outside. It’s fuc- it’s freezing.” 

She laughs. “It’s fucking freezing, yeah?” 

It makes Dan snort. “I hope you’re out of the room mum. Nana might make you scrub your tongue with soap.” 

“Oh, bless her.” She laughs again. 

It’s silent. Dan turns around and looks inside at everyone laughing. His eyes are on Phil. 

“I just wanted to say Merry Christmas,” He starts off with a sigh. “I’ve been like... Thinking a lot about what we used to do around Christmas time. All of our old traditions. I know it wasn’t a lot, but I enjoyed them anyway. Even if there was a lot of fighting.” 

His mum doesn’t reply immediately, but it doesn’t worry Dan. They’re a lot alike. He used to always think he was so different from his parents but the truth was they were more alike than he thought. His mum was a deep thinker who was always trying to better herself and the people around her in some way. He wanted to be more like that. 

“I miss you, too.” He adds.

He loved it here. He loved being with Phil and his family. He loved not being on the internet or thinking about what people are saying online, he loved the walks and the talks and the freeness that being here brought. He also missed home, or maybe the idea of home because he didn’t exactly miss his bedroom so much, but if Phil taught Dan anything it was that home was the people, not the place. Dan was learning that home could be a lot of things and a lot of people. 

“I’m sad you’re not here but it also seems like you’re having a lot of fun, yeah? I got you for twenty-seven years I think I can share.” her voice is gentle, it’s the kind of voice she used to use whenever Dan was anxious about something. The most clear memory was being afraid that maybe his friends didn’t like them because he made a joke. She soothed the worries away by listening and cracking her own joke. It always helped and it still does. 

“Nana misses you and Adrian does too, even if he doesn’t say it.” 

Dan’s heart feels heavy, but it’s not overbearing like it was earlier. It’s the kind of feeling only bittersweetness can bring. 

“You could bring Phil for Christmas next year. Isn’t that an idea? The whole family could come. I dunno if we’d have enough space but we’d make it work...” His mum is rattling off about how they’d set everything up, saying about how they’d need to make more food to accommodate everyone and how fun it would be and Dan doesn’t even realise he’s tearing up. 

“I love that idea.” Dan says while she’s still talking. 

“Good. Talk to Phil about it. We have a whole year to plan.” 

Phil looks for Dan out the window and he waves when he sees him. Dan waves back. 

“I will.” He promises. 

“Thank you for calling, Daniel. Merry Christmas. Tell Phil and the family I said hello.” 

“I will, mum.” He waits for her to hang up. 

Dan stays out for a minute longer before taking a deep breath and going back in. He takes his jacket and shoes off and sits back down on the ground next to Phil who slides an arm around him for a side hug. 

“Mum says hi.” 

Phil’s smiles placing a hand on his heart. “Aww, I’ll text your mum Merry Christmas later.” 

“God.” Dan says with a laugh. 

Phil leans in and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek again. It gets an ‘aww’ from the aunties and Dan can’t help but blush. He shakes his head at Phil because of how ridiculous he is but he welcomes it. They lean on each other, Dan watching Phil badly lose at whatever board game that’s been played while trying to help him. 

When he looks around the circle of people he feels the love from all of them. Dan had another family, these people wanted the best for him and cared about him and asked about him when he wasn’t around. 

Dan gets up and grabs a piece of pie and shares it with Phil.

“I have a confession,” Phil says taking another bite of Dan’s pie, “I’ve already eaten two slices of pie.” 

Dan snorts. “You’re the worst.” 

“I’m on holiday, I can do what I want.” 

Dan shakes his head again but he doesn’t fight it. 

*

It’s a couple of minutes before midnight when Dan and Phil finally go to their bedroom. They had stayed up talking to Martyn and Cornelia about New Years Eve plans and whether they wanted to stay here or not. They leave it open-ended, it’s an idea, and would be a first. 

Dan changes into shorts and t-shirt and gets cosy in bed. Phil takes his contacts out and practically jumps on the bed from excitement. He loves how much Phil loves Christmas. It’s endearing.

Phil gets on his phone and Dan does the same. Dan braces for the worst but it’s not that bad. _It was to be expected_ , some of the comments read. _No surprise here_ , he kind of smiles. There’s a lot of yelling—but in a good way. Dan stops there grabbing one of the chargers and turning to look at Phil who’s not even bothering to read comments but to like videos of dogs. 

 

Dan just looks at Phil, thinking of how fast this person became his whole world and how they built this life together and how they had their own traditions that they built over time. They taught each other things and rejoiced in each others accomplishments. It overwhelmed Dan when he thought about it sometimes. Dan gets closer to Phil now, wrapping his arms around him. Phil looks down at him now and leans in. The kiss is slow and longing. When Phil pulls away Dan sits up more and kisses him again. Dan reaches for Phil’s phone still kissing him and then he smiles against his lips.

“Merry Christmas, Phil.” 

*

They spend New Years Eve in Isle of Man. Dan still hasn’t posted much other than a Dan styled Merry Christmas tweet and replied to a few people but other than that he’s kept a low profile. It’s not unusual during this time for him anyway. He’s been enjoying not being online as much. 

“I bought sparklers for tonight,” Kath says with a bag in her hand. “I also bought champagne and cider.” 

Tonight is meant to be lowkey, just immediate family and Dan feels warm knowing that he’s part of that. He’s been texting his mum throughout the past couple days just letting her know the walks they’ve been on and how Adrian would be proud of him and his attempt to run up a hill (to inevitably fall and tumble). 

It’s funny how Dan felt the closest to his family when he’s so far away. 

Being here for so long he feels like they’ve all found their place here. Dan and Cornelia do the dishes, Martyn tends to the fire, Nigel and Kath take down the Christmas decorations, and Phil drinks coffee and talks about all the chores his mum used to make him do. 

When the dishes are cleaned and the house is deChristmasfied it’s starting to feel like the end of something. The end of a long year, Dan supposes. It always makes him feel sad and happy at the same time. Things would be different in 2019, and he was both scared and excited for it. It comes in waves these intense feelings, right now anxiety bubbles in the pit of his stomach. 

But he’ll look to Phil who will just smile and let him know that he’s here, and that they’re doing this together. It’s hard for him to imagine that once upon a time, he didn’t have Phil and how lucky he is that by some miracle they found each other and got another family out of it.

 

*

They eat an early dinner and go on one last walk for 2018. It’s funny how nothing really changes, it’s the same path that they’ve always been on, but it’s the beginning of a new year, a clean slate with fresh beginnings and bittersweet endings. 

Kath brings her camera claiming that she needs more pictures for her walls despite Phil saying it looks like a museum. 

Phil posts pictures of the sea and they hold hands. For a day that’s about new beginnings Dan’s glad that change doesn’t happen as quick as it sounds. It feels like just another normal day. He hopes to have plenty of days like today because of how they make him feel.

“How are you doing?” Phil asks when they’re on top of the hill. Everyone has scattered across this place taking pictures and talking about their favourite memories here. 

“I’m doing good.” Dan says with a small smile on his face. The sun will be setting soon. “I’m doing really good.” 

*

It’s almost midnight when they all go outside all bundled up in coats and scarfs. Kath is handing out the sparklers she bought. There are people in the neighbourhood doing the same thing. The telly is on loud in the house but it’s getting drowned out by everyone yelling outside. The pre New Years Eve hype is contagious.

Dan takes a look up at the sky and he feels small but not in a bad way. He feels like he’s a part of something bigger than himself. If this trip had taught him anything it was that these complex emotions towards family were a good thing and nothing to be ashamed or feel guilty about. 

Soon Dan and Phil would start their own. 

Dan looks to Phil who’s staring back at him and he smiles. 

“We’ve done a lot this year, haven’t we?” Dan says, getting closer to him.

“We have.” Phil hits their sparklers together and Dan rolls his eyes and snorts. 

“You ruined a lovely moment,” Dan whines, leaning in to give him a peck on the lips. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Phil gives him an innocent look making their sparkler tips touch again before he boops Dan’s nose with it. 

“I don’t trust you with this. Like it’s fine now, but when we light it, stay the fuck away from me.” Dan says pointing the unlit sparkler in Phil’s face. He pretends like he’s going to bite down on it.

“You strange man.” Dan shakes his head. 

“Yeah. But I’m your man.” Phil says with a shrug. 

“You are.” Dan wants to say more but he gets cut off by Martyn coming over with the lighter. 

“We got a minute left until midnight!” Kath says excitedly. 

Dan hasn’t stopped smiling.

When their sparklers get lit Dan takes his phone out. He pulls Phil to him and they take a picture.

Dan posts it with no caption. He doesn’t really need one anymore. 

_“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”_

Above them fireworks go off and from the living room you can hear Auld Lang Syne. 

Phil pulls Dan in for a kiss. 

“Happy new years, Dan.”

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tumblr/twitter: **@nihilismdan.**
> 
> [reblog](http://nihilismdan.tumblr.com/post/181463106948/this-is-the-place-where-i-dont-feel-lost) on tumblr.


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